DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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