I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
