my vag is so smooth its legendary
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
