Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
