Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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