The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
