He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
