I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
