I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
