Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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