Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
how does that bad decision feel?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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