I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
