I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
