you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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