If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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