I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
