Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
