Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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