In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
