billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
