I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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