I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
