I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
