I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize