Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
