So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
