What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
