I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
