i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
