i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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