i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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