Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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