I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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