I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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