I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
