i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
