I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
