I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
