i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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