oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize