I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
