You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
