Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
