Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
