my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
dude. I can hear the air.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
