OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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