I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize