I cut my penus on the lid.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think your dad took our porno
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
