No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
