i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
