Small penises have feelings too.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
