FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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