I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
