No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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