I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
