Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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