I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
