OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
