oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize