if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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