I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This is my gift to your gina
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
