i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
