Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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