My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
