I love black thongs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
