this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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