I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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