its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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