i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
