And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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