I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
