Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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