So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
