Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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